the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
