dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up under a house in Key West
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