Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm always down for nudity.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
