Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
