the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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