I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
