Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
