Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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