Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
