I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
