Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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