is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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