if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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