Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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