What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
