We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
