i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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