Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
