bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
