he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
