my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
