I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
