Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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