Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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