and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
