I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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