I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
