You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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