He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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