Just cropdusted the office
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Thank you for not boning my boss.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
