god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
