You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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