Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
