yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
