dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
