He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
