At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
