you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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