Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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