ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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