They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
