oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
