Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
