Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
