the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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