On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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