I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
