Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
