And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
