i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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