While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
