Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
