He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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