Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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