ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
